189 Episode 188 "Spines Hiding in the Crane"




  --Will you formally join the heraldic order, or will you remain in your current ambiguous position? Or do I live as a knight in the service of Erdis and the elves?

 That was the choice that Largud-Anne was given. I remember her voice trembling, which was unusual for her.

 I hope that you will make the right choice for the saint, if you can," was the last thing she said, and then she stared at me as she left the room. In the end, I'm still not sure if my house arrest has been lifted or not.

 I once again found myself in a room filled with cold air, resting my elbows on the table. I naturally close my eyes and let my thoughts spin around in my skull.

 My God, this is an unexpected choice for me. It's so extravagant that it's baffling.

 Up until now, making a choice has been an act of reaching out, scratching my fingers, and forcing myself to pick something out. Now, I'm being given a choice. This is something I am not used to, so I am not sure what I should do.

 Do you want to belong to the heraldry, do you want to serve Gazalia, or do you want to continue with your current status? None of them are bad.

 I've heard that the heraldry will give me some not bad treatment and that Gazalia will give me a knighthood. That's certainly one of my goals. However, I am conflicted about whether I should really take such a thing.

 I'm sure that other people would not be troubled by such things.

 Herdt-Stanley, a hero like the sun, would choose between justice and goodness, Kalia, a believer in power, and Fialaert, with his wisdom, would be able to choose the role that is most important to him. Erdis will choose to serve Gazalia.

 Then what am I? What the hell am I doing here?

 To hold Alueno's hand?

 To stand shoulder to shoulder with the heroes I've only admired?

 Was it to never again walk the same path I once traveled?

 The more I thought about it, the more it swirled around in my head. Even things that should have been clear are now vague, as if a haze has settled over them. I don't even know why I'm bothering and moaning so much anymore.

"That's not so bad. After all, this is what living is all about, and we are constantly anguishing and sobbing. Conflict and choice is the true joy of living!

 It's you again. My eyebrows twitched convulsively.

 As if creeping into my eyelids, as if creeping up on me, was the shadow that had once given me a choice. The shadow that had once given me a choice came to my mind with the same exaggerated, distorted smile that it once had.

 But, of course, it was just an imaginary image that came to my mind. If you're going to show up as an advisor, it would be best if Alueno showed up.

That's pardon. But this is the last time, after all, the actors are all here and have already stepped onto the stage. So my role is now limited.

 The all-black figure is just a figure of my imagination, but he is saying words that make no sense. If you're saying it's just a figure that popped up in my head, try to make your words a little more understandable.

 Oh no, but was this shadow like this in the past? Most of them were words I didn't understand, words I couldn't comprehend. So, in a way, it's a wonderful imitation of the shadow.

 It would be better if you could just give the troubled lamb a little insight instead of those words.

"No, you can't. You can't. There's nothing sweeter than leaving the choice to someone else and escaping from reality. Some would call it salvation. Some may call it salvation, some may call it fine. But I am the one who denies it.

 That's a very plausible thing to say. I feel like an idiot for asking for words.

 I remembered in my mind that there was a guy who said something like that a long time ago. However, I still don't know what that villain meant when he said it. At the time, I admired him for saying something like a master.

Therefore, I have only one thing to say. This is an opportunity. You've been given a crossroads. There's no turning back now. That's the trail you've left behind.

 And fortunately for you, you have the right to choose. And fortunately for you, you have the right to choose.

 With these words that he had once thrown at me, the shadow disappeared. There was no sign of it behind my eyelids, as if it no longer meant anything to ask.

 In the end, there was no answer. Well, I suppose that's true. After all, it's just my inner worries acting out a silly skit in the form of that shadow. That's all there is to it, I'm sure.

 But still, it was comforting. It reminded me of a time when my mind had made a choice.

 A huff of air went down my throat. For some reason, the cold air felt good right now. A white mist escaped my lips.

 I hate this. I hate this. It seems that people can't change too quickly. This ingrained habit, this nature, is not easily transformed.

 I thought I had tightened up the sneer in me, but I guess it hadn't disappeared from me yet.

 Somewhere, I was thinking. Can a person like me really belong to an organization like that? If they expect too much from me, will I fail to live up to their expectations, will I disappoint them and lose everything?



 I'm so afraid of losing it that I refuse to take it. It seems I've still been taming these ridiculous emotions in my heart.

 Foolish. It's really stupid. My purpose is so obvious.

 To hold Alueno's hand, to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the heroes who were only objects of my admiration, to never walk the path of my former journey again.

 I'm here now because I'm not giving up on anything. Then I already know what role I have to play. It was a little disconcerting that it was that shadowy apparition that reminded me of this.