176 Article 175 "What This Body Should Carry"




 I felt a strange numbness in the back of my head. My heart was pounding hard, and the sounds echoing through my body sounded distant. I felt as if the sensations in my body itself were somehow leaving me.

It's a beast sent by God. There's no way humans can win. It's a futile effort for them to try to win it. All they really need to do is cling to the gods, pray, and beg for redemption.

 Such flowing, almost mocking, words from Alueno. The words slid down my ears with surprising smoothness, and pierced my heart. I can feel my heart beating again and again, but somehow, it's far away.

 Alueno's words, they may be the truth. Maybe they're the right words.

 After all, that monster, that fleshy beast, is clearly distinct from other creatures. If you say it's the work of God, I can't help but be convinced, or if you say it's the malice of the devil himself, I can believe it. The only thing that is certain is that it is not something that comes out of nature.

 A golden head of hair swept across the edge of my vision for a moment in the wind.

"Lugis. I knew you'd come here. Yes, I knew it all--that's why I led you here, and that's why I laid out the path for you. And I waited here for you to come.

 The voice goes through my ears. My skin, my fingertips, my whole body felt very cold. Every breath I took, every breath I took, drained the heat from my body. Each time, the inside of my skull turns white. Shiro, very white. It's as if there is no more thought, no more thinking.

 Only Alueno's words conveyed warmth.

"Look closely, Lugis. Look, Lugis. The being you admire and respect as a hero can only roll honestly in the hands of the gods. It can never be defied.

 I saw Caria's silver sword gleam below me. But no matter how much the sword sliced through the mass of flesh and spurted blood, in the blink of an eye the flesh swelled again and sealed the wound. It was as if he was mocking Caria, who was shaking her silver hair and moving her body with all her might.

"People call this fate, the path drawn by God. And fate can never be defied. I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but I think it's a good idea.

 You will find a lot of things that you can do to make your life easier. It's not only that, it's as if even the deepest parts of your organs have been stripped of their heat. I'm cold, I'm freezing, I feel like I'm going to freeze to death. Truly, it is the coldest I have ever felt in my life.

 My back teeth chattered without overlapping and my lips were dry. I let out a few breaths. The breaths were so thin that they didn't seem to be my own.

 Hey, Lugis," she continued. Her voice was soft, as if she were dreaming. And it was a warm voice.

"That's enough. Let's give up. No, you've done more than enough. You don't have to try anymore. You don't have to get hurt.

 A hand reached behind her, wrapped around her neck, and her breath on my ear told me so. It was a sweet, sweet temptation. A sweetness that made my body, my heart, and all of my organs melt away.

 In my mind, where the dark white overlapped and I could not see anything, I suddenly saw some scenes.

 It was a scene from the past, unmistakable. From the humiliating journey of the past, to the walled city of Galuamaria, to the hanging garden of Ghazalia, to here, the mercenary city of Belle Fain. All of these scenes slowly floated in the depths of my eyes, and then disappeared.

 There seemed to be a lot of trajectories scattered about that I couldn't believe I had accomplished. It's quite a feat, and I feel like praising myself.

 Well done, huh?

 Well, yes, that's it, no doubt about it. If I'm nothing more than an ordinary man, then this must be a shining path. Wonderful. Really, it doesn't get any better than this. When I think of my journey to this point, I feel as if I'm still dreaming. It's been really, really fun since I got back here. Oh, those were wonderful days.

 The cold wind slapping my cheeks makes me open my eyes. I could see Alueno's fine, white skin right next to mine. Alueno's hand reached out to his chest, as if he wanted me to grab it back.

 --It's a good dream, really.

 It should be allowed. No one would blame me for taking your hand. Who could blame you for doing that? Who can blame you for throwing away all the pain and suffering, letting them go away as a dream, and falling to your knees?

 From behind me, the voice continues to echo, as if singing something. For a moment, his teeth chattered. Slowly, you open your lips. I didn't look back. Below me, the silver sword of Caria shines brightly.



 He threw the words behind him, trying to choose his words.

"I'm sorry. God and fate are too lofty for my taste.

 The white arm in front of him jumped unnaturally. The wind blowing hard against my cheek was as cold as ever. It's almost painful.

 And yet, the breath coming out of my mouth is unnaturally hot. The frozen, noiseless entrails are smoking from deep within. I could feel the blood rushing through my body, spitting out heat like a flame.

 Yes, I can be forgiven. It's everyone's right to throw all the blame away in resignation and fall asleep on their knees. Yes, I used to be allowed to do that.

 But now I can't have such a right. Even if everyone forgives me, I can't forgive myself.

 I gouged out the eye of a hero like the sun, I cut the life of the King of the Elves, and before I knew it, I had thrust my sword into Kalia's neck.

 --Choke the rat out of you!

 --Bounce the sword off me. If you can do that, you're no longer an ordinary man, no longer a pebble.

 You're not free now. Giving up, falling to your knees, despising yourself as an ordinary man, is all contempt for them. It would be a stain on the existence of these people, whom I respect and admire with all my heart.

 How can I do such a thing now? How can my heart tolerate such a thing?

"...... What's wrong, Lugis. Don't say those words. Will you not take my hand?

 Every time that voice touched my ear, my heart would start to lurch. My mind feels like it's losing its balance. If I could, I would turn around and hug her right now. It may sound like a contradiction, but that emotion is also present in the back of my mind.

 But, but...

"Oh, come on. The woman I'm in love with is not someone who speaks as softly as you do. I've had some good dreams, though.

 He said, ripping his white arms from around her neck.